We are a Team and We Fight Together
CO-PARENTING WITH A TOXIC EX
Try it, sister.✋🏼
I realized early on in our relationship that something was awry. First, I observed a biological mother using the kids as weapons against my partner. Then, I realized my partner was co-parenting with a toxic ex.
People would make unconscious comments like: “it’s not your place to do anything”. Or: “that’s the Mother of his kids” (with an emphasized capital “M”). Or (my favorite): “you shouldn’t go to court to support him, you’re just the girlfriend”. blah blah blah.
As if being a biological mother gives a person some special, elevated position in this world that makes it okay to abuse other people.
At the time, my man did not have the tools to see what she was doing to him.
In addition, there wasn’t much support for those people co parenting with a toxic ex.
And he wasn’t equipped to stand up to his ex. Especially as his children were used as bait to get him to do what she wanted.
Above all, she recognized his deep fear of losing his kids and she used that fear to manipulate him.
During this time, our therapists explained to us the likely reasons he became a “people pleaser” and “conflict avoider.”
And it wasn’t just an accident that he ended up with someone like his ex either. His coping skills (or lack of them) existed in him long before her.
But now that he knows better, he does better. And he doesn’t take shit from anyone, not even from me. 🤔😆
Should I have done nothing as he lost so much weight he had to poke new notches in his belt?
Should I have just said “not my kids” as I watched his hands shake from her relentless threats and harassment?
I think not. That’s not my version of a true partnership.
Most importantly, my goal was to cover his back and get him help when he couldn’t protect his own back. And in different ways, throughout the years, he has always done the same for me.
Truly, I’m a big believer in having awareness around the masculine and feminine energies in a relationship. But it’s important to remember, we all need to be able to move through both energies.
He needed my strength and clarity when he didn’t have it. I needed his strength and clarity when I didn’t have it.
We are a team — and we fight together. 💖👊🏼💞
At last, we took back our power. And now I help other couples take their power back too.
So, if you’ve gotten this far, I’m guessing you’ve probably fallen in love with a man who has kids and you both are currently co parenting with a toxic ex.
Even if you are struggling right now, it’s OK!
The thing is, society pressures us to believe that we should all be able to co parent cooperatively “for the sake of the kids.”
But, if you’re dealing with someone who is high-conflict and/or personality disordered, you’re living in an abnormal situation. And one size does not fit all.
Therefore, the regular rules of co-parenting can’t be applied to high-conflict cases.
And that’s the trap.
And that’s why generic advice isn’t working, as “reasonable” as it might seem.
It might be time to start seeing the situation for what it is: high-conflict co-parenting with a toxic ex.
So, perhaps it is time to do the work to move forward and take your power back.
There IS a way to get there, I promise!
My coaching program, Freedom from the Chaos, is an intervention into your present reality that will teach you an unconventional parenting stance that actually addresses your high-conflict situation.
To clarify, this is not some surface-level ideal of what co-parenting should look like.
This is a new approach that will empower you and your partner to shield yourselves — and the kids — from more chaos.
You and your partner are going to have to dig deep. But, trust me, it’s worth it.
THIS is what it looks like to take your power back! You can find freedom from co parenting with a toxic ex!
So, are YOU ready to start protecting your future?
We’re all in this together.